As soon as the world leaves...

  a reality sets in.

The tears roll down first,

  then i realise i'm thinking of you...

of how i dint care...when you were around

of how i shouted when you were concerned

of how i dismissed everything,when you wanted to help.

of how ungrateful i was...

 

you nurtured me all my life...

i dint even realise you needed me...

 

i ran away from reality...

 

Climbing up the stairs of our home,

i have memories rolling out of my eyes..

Climbing down the stairs of life,

i have regret trickling down my cheeks.

 

While sitting amongst strangers,its not the tears...

its just the love i couldnt express...

when i could...

 

Sorry mumma...i'l always miss you...

 

 

Sometimes there is no place to run to...

there is no place u can hide in...

no place for you to escape...

 

it haunts you...

wherever you go...

...even in ur deepest sleep...

 

no amount of happiness...

...can take you away from that grief

 

it doesnt leave you with options,

it doesnt demand any actions...

 

its just there...

...in front of you

 

you accept it...

you live with it...

                     or you fall...

...in a game called LIFE

God only knows whats happening...i mean i've written a lot of stuff lately...none of which makes sense(i mean for others,it never did,bt now even i cnt understand  the crap that um writing...here's one more...piece of crap...(as u can guess frm the title)

 

Each day starts with a new fear,

ends in convincing myself,God is still here...

 

Each day begins with dissappearance of the white moon,

ends in convincing myself,its just a shadow,that will reappear soon...

 

Each day begins with the same old song,

ends in convincing myself,there are new melodies yet to be born...

 

Each day begins with eyes full of tears,

ends by reaching the lips,

                          a smile,

                          that banishes all my fears...

 

Image.

what is image but a reflection of oneself…

In somebody else’s or may be your own eyes…

We’ve all studied in physics, how a concave mirror forms real n inverted images and a convex one forms virtual n erect ones…

 

So what about our own image, as in what do people think of us??

Many people when asked what they’d do if they could be invisible for a day, I think, will want to see what other people think of them…what do they say about him when he’s not around..

Why…is it so important...the appreciation..?

Sometimes I wonder whether I really love the things that I love to do, or is it that I did them for the first time, I was appreciated, and so, I began loving things that I was good at…

Is it that’s why I love maths? Just ‘coz I’m good at it? (and just ‘coz some people find it hard, do they begin to hate it or is it the opposite)

ok fihure this...drawing...Well till 12th std. and 1 year of B.Sc. I never touched a pencil. Somehow I always used to find some friend in each class (what luck, I thought, or was it?),who would draw for me. I never made my own art files or journals…I was afraid of drawing…

Then this year, when I’d to live in a hostel(without my mum who’s an excellent artist) I was worried, as to what now…but then as usual I had a friend who would draw for me. But one day she’d to complete her file too,so couldn’t help me…and now I had to…

And you know what happened, the teacher said my drawing was better than hers(appreciation#3)…OMG…

So I came home in holidays, helped my sis in her holiday homework, drew something and they were amazed, my sis asked if I’d traced the thing…(here comes the appreciation#2)

My mother said oh u really r my daughter(!appreciation #1)

I mean will I start to love- drawing??

 

Self appreciation vs. others

If i think I’m good at something, and somebody depreciates my efforts, I’ll feel bad, there would be moments of self doubt .

now anybody who rejects me, must have his own reasons- may be personal or perhaps genuine…but at the end, its upto me to accept it just as a positive criticism, ask others what they think about the whole thing or just leave the full thing, coz of this one person…

I’ve always believed its up to us, if we want to agree with the person,we accept da compliment n if not,we just ignore it,forget abt it,reject it..

I knw smtimes we are wrong,and then we are called stubborn!!!

so where do u draw the line between being determined or just plain stubborn?

 

How people perceive us,sometimes depends on just that-their perception…I mean somebody who doesn’t like u,obviously his/her friend is filled wid preconceivd notions about you…

Or u probably were in a bad mood that day,when the person met u for da first time(I think most ppl will agree that first  impression is not the last one,bt their belief is quite opposite. And they do judge ppl on the basis of their first  impression ,unless there’s a chance to make a second one…

 

Every one has some image of all people they know…and they never expect you to go out of character…I mean one day the ever talkative person decides to just be..,they’re bothered..one day the ever advising one is mum on some topic,theyre bothered…if a person good at maths n physics takes up medicine,they’re bothered…

I dont knw if um ritght or not…but I think everyone has everything filled inside…everyone is a winner at every sport…i dnt beilieve in inborn talents…its about the inborn drive to be somtehing,to excel…at anything…

i used to think that my forte is limited,bt now I know there's nothing as a forte

its not just the things that I once thought I was good at,its everything I want…I knw its just the intensity of my need,my want,that’l decide my excellency…

Virtual image is the part which people can see,what appears to be,what you too come to believe in,with time…

Real image,is innate,the one that tells you,everything’s possible..

And that explains why the virtual one is the erect one…coz its da real,inverted one that ur supposed to believe in n straighten it,so the world can also se it… 

Yet another day,yet another sunrise,

everybody covered in yesterday's disguise...

 

the father who hides his grief,

the mother who cries,not for the long lost son,

but for the father who cheats her...

 

the children,who play with the dog each day,

yet when time comes,call it stray...

 

the fisherman trying to catch his next meal,

the net holding the man's yesterday's dream...

 

the moss embracing the wall,

the same way,each day,growing tall...

 

the statue stands amidst it all,

for birds trying to fly or fall...

 

if i take a step further...

                               it may fall or stand up n walk,

i prefer lying  down instead.

 

if i think about it...

                        it may make or break my life,

i prefer to be called hollow inside.

 

if something happens...

                              it may be for good or bad,

i prefer to lead an uneventful life/

 

if i fill a glass..

                   it may fill upto the brim or overflow,

i prefer an empty one.

                      

wish for something new to happen,

     yet afraid to see the other side of moon.

Wish to reach new destinations,

     yet fear to venture the road less travelled.

Wish to appear unpedictable,

     yet hope the world to understand.

Wish to be left in solitude,

     yet expect to be liked.

Wish to acheive sucess,

     yet fear its stepping stone.

Wish to be inspired,

     yet yearn for originality.

Wish to be different,

     yet fight for equality.

Wish for freedom,

    yet hungry for affection.

Wish to let go,

    yet waiting to find it again.

Wish for ecstasy,

    yet cynical about love...

Somewhere near the top...

... still not reached the summit

 

a bagful of feelings to express...

...yet the voice muffled

 

tears itching to come out...

...yet a spell of dryness

 

just reaching completion...

...yet a new beginning

 

life seems cloudy...

things come n go...

...yet looking or a ray of hope